forlorn

2009-12-25T08:38:00.000-08:00

ive not posted any entries for a god damn long time...... sigh. whenever i blog, it's about sad things.
why must this break up happen? i planned so much and so long for his birthday and wished that he will be e happiest boy on that day. but it was ruined just a week before his birthday. yess. 21st birthday ought to be celebrated as big event..... and that is why im putting in so much effort to plan. Sold my laptop... stay at home for like the entire month everyday after sch just to save a meagre amount of 10 dollars. I just wanted to get a better gift for him. wanted this gift to accompany him thru army days and wkends to kill his boredom n make him happier.

In the end .. all these doesn't even matter. I don't mean i do alot. this is nth to what he did for me too. he worked alot to save for a camera for me too. But for me, i know i have done my best and put in all my effort to make this birthday special. and yes i ruined it....... by showing my unhappy face during his birthday celebration planned by his family. It's not that im unhappy of celebration. it's just that i feel that everything i do has gone down the drain. really.

i researched from site to site. looking for e best place to celebrate.. best place to dine at... consider e costs.. consider everything. which took me damn long to plan. in e end? it's nth. who wudnt be disappointed? it's not that im being plain unreasonble for not wanting to celebrate on sunday... but by the time we take bus here n dere, he has to book in again. And e restaurant functions at night. hai...everything just sucks. wanted the best for him in end i got the " best " for myself.. :)

i know NDU is very very stressful..does that mean i have to put up wiv intolerable attitude? i know i've very very lousy attitude too. but isnt a boyfriend supposed to cherish and love his gf and not belittle and insult her? i've cried a couple of times silently when he shows me attitude..... i just didn't want to spend our wkend quarrelling. i wish we make optimum use of it. to spend it sweetly and make it memorable and make us both look forward again to the next wkend.
But i failed to do that...we often quarrel over wkends. It makes me feel so sickeningg.. and make me not even feel like seeing him the next week.

all these are just thoughts out of anger n disappointment. Subsequently, i still look forward to friday nights or saturday noons....although he's rather quiet sometimes but i still enjoy his company. just seeing him doze off will make me feel happy too. I don't know why.. maybe he's my first true love? my really very first true love. nobody is able to make me cry after a break up or have insomnia at night. but him. i keep going out everyday.... going online to find things to do till damn late. find pple to talk to at night over e phone just to make sure im very very very tired. and i get up ultra early. just to make sure im VERY tired and slpy. and tt will ensure me to sleep earlier e next day. im not torturing myself... i tink thats the only way to help me out thru this period of misery.

im just so disappointed. Yes.. im the one who initiated the break up. becos after umpteen promises, his attitude still didn't change.. he was still as egoistic and both of us always want to conquer each other. i dun wish to mention what happpened during the quarrel..... but i was utterly hurt... it makes me lose faith in this person i love so much. how can he treat me like this? am i just dirt to him??????? hai.. but in my heart, i really hope this break up is a stepping stone for our relationship. i didnt really want to draw e line between us. cos i still have lotsa feelings for this fellow. i just want him to change his attitude and still contact me..... and till e day i realise e change in him, i wish to be back wiv him again. Perhaps i took e wrong step... it led to nth eventually. It made me realised, im insignificant to him. he didn't make e effort to make me stay.. and not even mentioning that he will change for me this time. yea maybe i said break up for too many times..... hes sick of it finally. i know. and moreover i hurt him bitterly by breaking up on e day b4 his birthday. he must have hated me. but i really have no choice.. i didnt want to hide my disappointment in this r/s anymore. Since like damn long ago, many ppl told me we are nt compatible. I still choose to believe in myself.. although i get influenced easily be it by ideas or habits, i dun get influenced by people's view of my r/s easily.

And now.. he has left. he eventually left...my heart just aches till i can feel it stop beating sooner or later. From my naive and stupid tinking tt from the break up will lead to sth good someday, it became my worst nightmare. It became tt he's the one losing faith in this relationship more than i do. it became he's more like the one who wants the break-up permanently now. i just felt so sad.. like a knife stabbing right thru my heart :(((( just why? im so insignificant to him until he just didnt even make me stay. he just let me go just like im a passer by in his life..... hai. fuck life. Love is all bout disappointment and empty promises.. N lies... he told me he will definitely find me this week and didnt msg me just to let me cool down. now i tink of it, it was just a lie... he didnt find me in the end. i dont tink it's to let me cool down but perhaps, his love for me is fading away. he finds no faith in this r/s anymore. so it's pointless to msg me too. i lost all my confidence in love totally. i don't tink i can ever meet someone who can rebuild my confidence in love. he just told me. he wudnt msg me for the time being till i can forget him i assume. but again i assume, he just will never msg me again.. he's forgetting me soon. cant believe a guy ive been wiv through thick n thin for TWO YEARS 2 MONTHS near to 3 MONTHS can just leave like that...showing no interest to make me stay.. hai.. i just fucking hate guys now.

shattered

was it luck?

2009-06-18T20:55:00.000-07:00

Finally got my license after this long awaited day ; 13/6

My instructor told me i only had 50% chance of passing?

how demoralising right?!! can't he say sth else to boost my confidence. :(

I was alr trembling before i entered the TP room. n ive got a weird habit. I can never leave my throat dry. That is why u can see me gulping down water almost all the time! The worst thing is i din bring in my water wiv me. Then i started swallowing my saliva to moisten my parched throat. however it didnt help but only got worse! Zonkey was there to support me!

How i hope i could get wanhui's tester at tht point of time! my eagerness plunged down when an indian tester called out for me. He looked sooo stern n didn't bother talk to me.Everyting went out fine just that im too slow.I reckoned tt when he kept doing the tsk tsk tsk sound n stared at his watch. I kept apologising to him after making a mistake like failing to signal. And of cos he deducted my points lol. He doesn't seem much responsive. I was the first to leave for the test n also the last to reach the test centre. I knew it from zonkey he's the all time on-looker. hahaha. My face turned black after reaching n i didn't even realise zonkey is following behind me. The tester told me to follow him to the office.

I was alr mentally prepared tht i would fail for he keep jotting down stuff in the car. Surprisingly when im seated in the office he told me " don't drive so slow next time ah, go take ur license". woo! i was soooooo overjoyed. I really didn't expect for this n that accounts for why i didn't bring money to make my license. I think im being lucky!!!!!!!!!! for a moment, i find this tester really nice LOL!

IM UGLY.

2009-05-16T00:41:00.000-07:00

In my mundane life, major project and sleeping takes up most of my life. Sad to say.
watched 17 again recently with zonkey and i guess that was the sole thing that makes my whole week worthwhile. zac efron is so so so stunning. girls will definitely go gaga over him! For the past few weeks, i've been returning home straight after school. HOW BORING RIGHT? hai.
I'm just so sick of school! I'm much worse than a jailbird. at least prisoners get to do physical activities every morning. what bout me?! my activity in the morning is to lim teh in the canteen. rot till lunch time and barge out of school when the clock strikes 1130. I'm just so afraid we might procrastinate this major project until it is all too late. The main thing is we have NOTHING to do in school !! we need to wait for components to arrive b4 we can start any shit work.

my self-esteem is getting lower and lower. after some bitch criticised me for my looks. sigh.
walked past the canteen yesterday and there was this ah lian engine student together with another guy. It was just so apparent that they were talking bout me. when i walked past their table, this ah lian turned n gave me a glance. N immediately she turned back to this guy and said " bu hao kan.. yi dian dou bu hao kan lor! " wah i wondered if she purposely said that loud to make me realise that im ugly? i know im somone who is frigging ugly with countless pimples. But why must she make me feel worse ? Argh. She dyed her hair some golden retreiver colour snd her eyeliner makes up 3/4 of her eyes. how pathetic is that? her face is caked with white powder which makes her look like a drug addict. every part of her contributes to her AH LIAN look.

now i needa get prepared to go out but i've no mood at all. just becos i feel ugly. :(

2009-04-04T23:18:00.001-07:00

hasn't updated for a long long time.
holidays are coming to an end very soon. i've not had enough fun! i've not worked throughout this whole term break. lol.. it's just so unlike me. for the all the past term breaks, i've been a workaholic. work non-stop..and job hop all the time. from it shows to surveyor to skinfood & then to sk II etc etc..n finally i was tired.really tired. I could have spent my time with friends and bf. Instead, i kept toiling myself n make myself like a work maniac.

everytime i receive my pay, i'll be overjoyed. but i realise each time i get my pay.. i spent it on something which i hated to; my medical fees. i had overworked n gradually my immune system breaks down. sigh.. i fail to juggle sch and work simultaneously. i fell sick for like 6 times over 3 months last year from oct till dec. money gets drained out each time i visit the clinic. is that what im yearning for? i often ponder over it. i became thinner.. n could only eat plain congee when i was sick. i was very pessimistic at that time. i have to stay at home and take countless MCs.. i couldn't go sch and have fun with friends. i couldn't even go out with zonkey. I even troubled him to make trips down to visit me. i hated myself immensely for troubling everyone at that time but i kept it to myself.
i hated it when the doctor asked me "why are u here again? " i felt like a loser n a weakling.

so.. im not gona work anymore until i graduate.

miss jingting! :D

2009-03-03T03:11:00.000-08:00

after patching up wiv zonkey, we still quarrel.. but i guess things have changed for the better now. at least we try to resolve together!! :D happy happy. but hopefully it's not only for the start.. stay sweet always! pls don't make me upset anymore in future! we have not gone many places. like ZOO? to see ur same species. donkey.

sent jingting off last sunday at T1..haiz she will be away for 4 months ! will miss her LOTs!!
i will have 1 lesser listening ear for these 4 mths..nobody to gossip with, nobody to explore good food with, nobody to listen to my woes! but nevertheless, wish her e best for her attachment. i'll wait for you to come back !!!!!! on the day ure back , we are going to eat lotsa food. cos i noe u will miss SG food like hell. lol.

im so bored at home! n i duno why. this blogshop released their new collection at 5 46pm n i viewed it at 6 15pm. just within tis short period of time, 1 nice skirt was alr purchased by someone else. ARGHHH. i think they only have 1 piece for each design la.

going to sleep very very early tonight. i hate my PIMPLES. they are always there. my brother calls me CHICKENPOX FACE. haiz..ive no face to go out. :( let me hide in my shell till i recover. 1 word to describe my looks now. HIDEOUS.

INDOOR TANNING

2009-02-16T06:35:00.000-08:00

went for indoor tanning at fabulous tanning the day before yest. ( valentine's day ) wiv claudine !!!! haha. how lesbie are we. :D there's really difference in our skin color just after 10 mins. hai but i experienced redness, itch and burning feeling late at nite. argh... but my cheeks are rosy. hahaha so okay la.
i shall stop complaining. went jurong point wiv zonkey yesterday and i realised hw long ive not been dere! so much changes. and dere's lotsa food dere too. DROOLS. watched love matters n it was soooooooo funny.

TODAY~
went sch n actualli wanted to study. but my plan failed. end up talking again wiv keekwoon n bel bel. haha. at least i photocopied some exam papers which might be beneficial to me in these few days hehe. wanted to play pool after sch but nobody wants to acc me !!!! :'(
i know im far too lazy. people are mugging like hell n yet i still wana play. lol. just for today!!! no more fun from tmr onwards till exams end alr.

confused

2009-02-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

i feel happy. but somehow had mixed feelings too.. haiz

bioinfo suck.

2009-02-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

ended sch at 12 today.. and after lunch, i accompanied bel to her cds. lol.. her tcher gave me e " who are you?!" look. so i told him im just an intruder for today.
after her cds which ended shortly, we did bioinfo.. and tis was when some arse used my laptop and end up asking me " why aren't u doing anything. can u find something to do or nt? " pls. its not like dreamweaver is everywhere n i can just use other coms to do.
wth. i wanted to finish my website so badly. n tis person can make it sound like i just wan to slack dere n do NTH when actually i feel like doing so much things n complete by today. damn it. n even accused me of saying things which i really DIDN'T.
argh. nvm... u noe who you are. n pls think b4 u talk.

bel n me are alr damn stressed and we still needa listen to such crap. ZZZZZZz. bel was struggling wiv databases.. haha can see it frm her face. haiz..

sian. thanks grace for buying back dinner for us =D if not we wud have starved to death. can see everybody is going crazy over bioinfo.. haiz hope everything is fine tmr pls!!!!!! im eating my 5th meal now for e day... lol again.

just reached home..at bout 1130. woah. shared cab wiv harrith n kenny back home. n seems like they r falling sick.. take care k! i shall say that to myself too. hahaha. dun tink i can withstand staying up late.

i just wish that bioinfo goes smoothly tmr. same goes for orgcom. pls pls pls !!!!!!
gd night all~
back to doing proj

2009-02-10T06:35:00.000-08:00

YAY~ finished my flash yesterday night..slept damn late. haiz..im turning a little panda soon!!!
i thought i cud get a self-portrait of myself that is being drawn out by PENCIL.. so its just being photoshopped ? . lol..CHEY.

hmmm. i managed to crack dreamweaver today! yay.. =D
so i can continue using it without any worries.

presentation is just 2 days away.. haiz. ~_~
duno what kinda grade i will get. just hope that i can pass !

valentine's day is coming..... BORING.
think i wud have to stay home after my driving lesson...somehow i don't look forward to any lessons alr. going on road is too scary. =((

i realised ive NEVER received anything special on valentine's day b4. not even roses in my whole lifetime. n definitely no handmade stuff like baked cookies or stuff on valentine's day
:(

witnessing hw frens prepare sweet tings for their loved ones or their bf/gf makes me feel soo envious!

MCT IS OVERR...

2009-02-09T06:25:00.000-08:00

all thanks to belinda and kee kwoon's teaching for mct ! if nt i dun even noe wad to explain for my part.. haiz felt so guilty :(( bel bel n kk contributed alot for mct but not for me tsk tsk.. thanks to u two !!!!!! :DDD hehe.

tried doing flash todae in sch till 8.. but still.. it ends up wiv 1 stupid animated circle. haiz..
1.5 hrs more to expiry of my flash. hahahaaa. no more trial. SHIT. im still wasting time here.
i wonder what's wrong with me. i get hungry in every 3 hrs. that explains why ive eaten 4 meals since i woke up. i wan to gain more weight !!!!! cereal n ji chiong fan for brkfast. horfun add guo tiao for lunch. burger for tea time n home-cooked food for dinner...-_-

MCT IS FINALLY OVER.......wow. cant believe it.... :D gotta clear bioinformatics n everything will be over !!!!

BACK TO DOING FLASH... mission impossible - to complete flash in the next hour.

stressss

2009-02-07T07:17:00.000-08:00

was kinda stressed up yesterday when i was typing my 5 pgs report in sch. i think the format is entirely wrong and the content is just soo... little..haiz. but managed to finish by 3+ n handed up!!

went for e2's teatime buffet n ate some sandwiches n tarts. lol. i'm not even some mentor n yet i ate their food hahaaa. xD after which belindaa and me went to library to look for bks related to databases n flash.. -.-

we felt tt we became very serious suddenly.we finally feel the stress building up.. n luckily both of us found our books !!!!!! we even tried browsing thru every single book to look for e most detailed 1. hahahaha. how studious are we.

met kelvin, my best buddy for almost 4 years alr for dinner at chomp chomp yesterday after sch!
he changed ALOT suddenly..haha. to being more tanned n big-sized. he was damn happy to hear me say that. we had coffee at coffee bean n i find him real gay. he looked at one big bunch of guys and ask me " is that guy in black hot?" -.- when i can hardly even spot any people in black around. n yea im as lesbie as usual. he caught me looking at gurls for almost a couple of times. i cant take my eyes off hot gurls ! :D headed home after coffee.. too slpy.

TODAY~
went to town wiv my brother. he actually wanted to change handphone for me but i just find those available phones now damn ugly. n i bought jingting 1 body lotion for her to bring over to korea. its going to be really dry over dere.. so i gave that to her today as her birthday present.hope you wud like it gurl =D

have nt met ting for few weeks only until today...haizz.. n shes flying off to korea in few weseks time. im gona miss her!!! never tried not meeting her for less than once a month. n she will be dere for 3 months ++ ? n she must be damn bored today when i shopped ard n kept trying on shirts. so sorry! hahaha we shall shop on weekdays next time.

jingting.... are u gona buy me faceshop products when ure back? hahaha. just kidding.
we went to newton to hunt for gd food in da evening. in e end we ate at e stall which i have tried b4.
their stringray was soo nice. but lala and kangkong were just average. arghhhh. i was realli pissed off today.

when we walked past a crippled guy ( i think lunatic as well) , we ignored him when he tried to sell us pencils. who will still use pencils? at least sell mechanical pencils . but not those that we need to sharpen 1 la. n he got into a rage n shouted at us for walking too fast. n the ting is when i walked past him briskly, he spitted saliva into my FACE. WAHHHHHHH. i went to wash my face right after that. DIRTY OLD FREAK.

SUAY DAY.damn it. im going to be more pimplelicious tmr.

JINGTING. u must meet me more often b4 u fly !!!!!!!
we can study together for exams !!!!!!
=D

i feel like changing my hairstyle suddenly. okay. i shall change it next wkend !!!!!!!! to sth new. heeeeeee. back to doing FLASHHHHH. it took up so much of my time zzzzzzzzzzzz. it stated 24 hrs to learn. and 1 hr for each chap. ultimate bullshit. ive spent 2-3 hrs on this chap alr........ sleeping soon. ZZZZ

hehe!

2009-02-04T03:40:00.001-08:00

Passed my FTT today.. didn't study much due to my sickening lab test which falls on today as well. lab test was pretty ez. hehe. everything went smoothly for me todae!!

went for my 1st e-trial an hr before my FTT and i failed both papers badly. N the worst ting is i tot i cud practise many many papers. so i rushed thru without reading thoroughly through my mistakes. in e end i completed both papers within 30 mins n learnt almost NTH. argh. so my confidence is running real low.

went to meet kk at the cafe n i was really demoralised. he was my adviser for e dae n kept persuading me to just give it a try later. i actually intended to head straight home without taking e test. the funny thing is he asked me to close my eyes n wish for a pass n he sae it works. oh gosh. n i really did that out of desperation HAHAHA.

so i gave it a try. n when i entered e room , i was hoping to get a seat whereby nobody sits bside me. so even if i fail, it wudnt be so embarrassing. in e end...... i was posted to a row wiv the most pple. N i saw the cute guy who went for the e-trial again. n i chose not to sit bside him just in case i fail i tink hes gona laugh his ass off.

In e end , i was actualli supposed to sit bside him. cos after many failed attempts of loging in , i realised i sat at the wrong seat. wahhh. den he tot im crazy or sth cos he gave e wth face. like a moment sit dere n suddenli sit beside him. i was really tempted to ask . can u please help me wiv my FTT. im gona fail it. wanted to ask another person sitting bside me at e other seat but he just looked like hes gona bash ppl up anytime. but of cos i wudnt ever try to say that.

what if they baotoh me? lol. so i jus pray that i wud pass. n tht cute fellow took just 10 minutes to finish the FTT. man. i told myself i can never finish the paper before other pple sitting beside me for fear i fail. N he passed. my god. tts so power. lol. n that fierce fellow sitting 1 seat awae from me banged e table b4 he left. wow i was too engrossed in tinking so i got a shock. Again , i peeped at his screen n he failed. no wonder hes so pissed off lol. n finally its my turn to end test. n WOW..... wad a surprise for me. =D

got a 5 pgs report to type out by today. n QUIZZZZZZ to study for. :(((((((((((((((

Anyway lingy , so glad tt u have moved on ~ proud of u too for being able to take tis step.
I know it's hard on u. Cos ive gone through tis stage too. determined to wait.. having the naive tinking that 1 day he will be back. but coming to realise that he has alr treated me as a normal fren n will always do. Will such a day come by? definitely not. If hes sick of me now , he can be sick of me again n again in future even IF hes back. its just a vicious cycle.

yea so everything is back to normal now n will always be like this!!I'm back to secondary sch till poly year 1 days. return home after sch n rot at home like a couch potato.

YAY~ haha. think i wud have to stay at home for valentine's day alr.
K.. im going off to study.

can't wait for sun-tanning wiv clsmates after exams! i look like some white mouse now!!!

2009-02-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

OMG. razali sent me those answers taken by his phone.
:DDDDDDDD

THANK U SO MUCH.

HAIZ

2009-02-03T06:12:00.000-08:00

tmr is my lab test n my FTT.... :'''''(
i dont have the answers to all single experiments'. HW AM I GOING TO TAKE MY LAB TEST
TMR? FTT... only read till pg 40. ive not even done the exercises.

haiz. im always doing LAST MIN WORK. Leopard nv changes its spots. and yea ive spots all over my face. those sickening pimples!!!

I've to work on the website , start doing databases cos it's due next week. n a 5 pgs report by this thurs. Last but nt least. MCT - i know shit bout it. source codes.... looks like some foreign language to me n its due by next week too. WHY WHY WHY am i slacking all the time? its not like i don't wanna start now. ive no idea of where to start on.

went home by taking 22 today.. waited extremely long n somehow i just wasnt angry this time.
i don't know why. maybe i wud rather stay outside longer than going home which is soooo boring.

OK.. my time is like running up alr for tonight. cos im feeling very sleepy alr.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today!!!~

gosh.

2009-01-31T22:03:00.000-08:00

woke up at 7+ today n went to pray at bugis.
went to temple for divination as well.

n my qian states exactly whats happening to me now. im in a raging storm.. undergoing lotsa difficulties. which i tink is on my emotional part. n it stated tt relationships wudnt work out too. which also happened. haha.. n also missing/lost articles will never come back..
ooo. profound right. haha. but i noe e meaning bhind it.

n coming to the most e IMPT part , i must be patient n my traveller will come soon. =D

CLAUDINE is still sleeping. :(
at first when she told me after driving her legs turned jelly , i didnt believe. n now im experiencing it.
don't know where r we heading to later on. ive no energy to go out alr!

tired day!

2009-01-30T19:49:00.000-08:00

went to sch at bout 10 plus ytd n stayed till 7 plus.. cos there was CM cup. our class was very enthu. haha. almost all turned up. cheers to all~ n we are e 2nd runner up!! much much better than last yr. =D

wasn't feeling well yesterday. i can feel e heat in me n was having a bad sore throat. argh...
so i went opp sch to buy ling yang to suppress the heat in me. n it did help.. not long after that. i perspired. lol. i tink tis is e falling sick season. Bel , her bf , grace and me were like super drained out. some had flu too. wah lao why must humans fall sick?

Anyway.. i cant fall sick anymore !! ive taken like dozens of antibiotics. they r damaging my immune system all the time.. no wonder im so weak now. If someone down wiv flu sneezes into my face , i tink i will be sick the nxt moment and it has happened b4. lol.

Moreover, im all alone now. i must take gd care of myself !! shall not be reliant on anybody.
So now im damn kiasu. Every morning i will force myself down wiv spirulina , fish oil capsules and Vitamin A-Z syrup. IF i really fall sick again in tis few weeks , then i will really resign to fate n turn a herbivore very soon. I've been sleeping early , avoiding heaty food n drinking at least 2.5 LITRES of water a day!!!

ytd someone told me bout her troubles..this guy waited for like 8 months for her. n when she was bout to accept, this guy had alr left wiv another gurl. n this guy alr knew that my fren likes him too. tsktsk

n now i know tat i'm not the only one on a emotional rollercoaster..
haha. we must be Superwomen !! =) loves.

YAY~ after exams , im gona get a new job to chiong my driving !!!
tomorrow will be my first lesson...
GD LUCK TO ME. i hope im not sooo blur.
FTT is just nxt wednesday. gd luck to me again for i will be only reading through it just few hrs b4 e test.

no idea of where to go today. might be working on the website again. argh. duno what went wrong !

im PIMPLELICIOUS now. duno what happened. stress? impossible.
most probably cos of last last wk. cos i oni slept for like 8 hrs over few days.
haiz.. im so ugly now..
i need facial n eyebrow trimming!!!!

:)

2009-01-28T04:42:00.001-08:00

went fann wong's house ytd for visiting wiv brother n dasao!
shes really pretty n she noes how to take care of her skin real well. she look damn young.
really envious. Christopher was also at her house. n he realli made us feel at home. he's such a nice fellow! he brought lotsa food like roasted duck n chicken.. seafood steamboat n pig organ's soup. haha e food was quite nice~ but quite paiseh to take much.

ate salmon wiv leom , boyce n jj they all today! n i finally get to play mahjong !!! YAY... i have finally learnt how to play but still a NOOB.. haha. im quite slow at it. i must tink for quite long b4 i displace any of my tiles. no wonder ppl say play mahjong helps to speed up our thinking. i needa train alr ! we are still in new yr mood :D

leomie saw someone who is like so unexpected to appear. N he's wiv NEW gf alr. oh man. guys really suck. they can just say i love u so much at tis moment n promise that they wanna be wiv u for life. n after a few days, they will have a change of heart. they r so unpredictable.

tsktsk...

2009-01-26T06:03:00.000-08:00

visited my dad's fren house n my grandma hse. its been ages since i catch up wiv my cousins. they r all so tall now... n zhi sheng scored 10 points for O levels.. haha i felt so stupid among em :(
anyway... today was a moody day for me. i don't know why. had a bad dream last night.

n today it just doesn't feel n seem right. i don't know what happened. i felt so so so down.. haiz.
hopefully tmr will be a better day for me.

received many ang baos but.. they just don't seem to be what i want. argh. i wanna smack myself.

EMO ELMO...

2009-01-25T07:39:00.000-08:00

met desmond koh in the afternoon at kovan for lunch. but i didn't eat. haha..cos i was too hungry again and ate at home. He talked alot really. i thought hes gona keep quiet today n i'll need to do all the talking but i was so so wrong.

We walked up n down n around the whole place n just crapped.Eventually we end up sitting at the coffee shop n talked. We bought 4D ! but my number is sold out.

reunion dinner was sumptuous! got abalone .. scallops .. prawns etc etc. =D Im so BLOATED NOW. n i guess i really can't drink. i feel so weird when i drank e white wine my brother poured for me. so i merely drank a sip n gave to my mum! haha.

gona sleep soon. hehe. =) night night to all~

WOOO!!!!!

2009-01-24T19:28:00.000-08:00

Had so much fun last night xD
went to cine ytd wiv ling n jiayi came followed by bevan.
watched DA XI SHI. ahahah it's quite a nice show... but i was so so so hungry when i was watching the movie. so after that we went to eat suki sushi.
n while we were eating sushi, ive decided to go home but they psychoed me to go powerhse!
and at tat time it was alr 12.. hhaha so i tagged along. i told em i will just go for awhile n in the end i stayed till 230. =x didnt drink at all..only drank pokka green tea. In a club. HAHA hw funny.

met few frens that ive lost contact with. so surprised to see xueyi !! omg n i din know she was with KiKi. :( didnt get to say hi to her. its just a small world. only danced wiv ling n jiayi. im anti-guys !!! makes me feel gross when guys r around.I can't stand smoke smell haiz. saw kelvin too n he sent me to the taxi stand n we talked for awhile. he was shocked to see me on e podium n said i've changed. i didn't change. im still the usual me. im just dere to explore cos ive not been dere b4. dont worry.
:)

tired. today will be e day for reunion dinner!!!!

2009-01-23T23:43:00.000-08:00

im just so disappointed. but who gives a damn to my feelings right now?
haa. im just so FOOLISH. don't wish to say what happened. anyway bygones r bygones. i dun wish
to remember it.

will design my blog soon. cos im going out soon! im not free.
=)

new beginning !!

2009-01-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

Last week has been hell for me :(
cried from last thursday till tuesday like nobody's business.It's just so heart-wrenching when i thought of parting with him during that period of time.1 year and 4 months.. but its my longest r/s.it's not very long and not short. Memories kept flashing through my mind before i get to sleep for many many days..just like a 3-4 hours continous video.Tears trickled down n my heart was pricking pain.On the 2nd night, i asked ken over e phone if i should call him? He told me.. don't expect for too much.When someone says he needs time, hes forcing himself away from u. He wouldn't be back.Its just a reason not to make me feel so upset.In fact its actually even more hurting than e truth..he told me if u really feel like talking to him so badly, u should just call.I couldn't control myself for that night so i called him.On tat night, i cried terribly when i knew that he has already regarded me as a friend. N he told me his battery is running low n hes going to have supper wiv his friends. I don't wanna bother him. I dont want to cry over the phone and make him feel irritated. So i hanged up... n i cried until i felt like as if i was suffocating. My mum woke up and consoled me n i cried even more. U know humans tend to feel more emotional when pple are trying to console em. lol. She hugged me tightly n consoled me.. i was so touched. i told myself im so fortunate to have such a mummy. she was dere for me listening to me until 3am. Then she moved into my room n slept wiv me.She told me to be strong.. my whole family will be my pillars of strength n no matter what, they will always be with me. Im not alone. N on the 3rd day, i told myself it's a new beginning for me. I felt so much better already after crying out everything. phew.. i returned to sch n was all smiles. U guys might be worried why i appear to be alright n and the same time think that is it only on the surface? Nope.. I've thought through.. no point crying when the other party doesn't love you. U will be shedding tears for nth. N if hes able to let go easily, so can u!! right? :)
Im no longer waiting.. cos it will eventually lead to nothing.
Im just very upset why is it so sudden? Its not like we quarrelled almost everyday or sth that makes both of us so tired of this r/s. Maybe he has tolerated me for very long.. i don't know n don't wish to know.In e past, there was this period of time when i feel that i cudn't commit anymore but i insisted..eventually my feelings came back.but i can understand tis.. once feelings is gone, u can never force urself wiv that person. It makes u feel soo miserable. so ive never blamed him. =) we will still be good friends.

I felt so annoyed with myself for bothering all of my friends. Sorry... really sorry to all of you.
I love u guys. Really.Thanks for e effort u all have put in to make me happy. Im really very grateful..sighs.
For e past of 1 yr n 4 months, i realised that ive neglected my friends. Im so sorry...n now all of u came back to support me, to cheer me up. i felt so guilty.

Belinda! i love you so so much. Uve been there for me through ups n downs.. trying so hard to make me smile. =D n even sent me to my bus stop n ensure i board e bus safely. U tried to ask me out too to make me forget bout e past but sorry i didnt tag along .. lol. Just want to say million thanks to u for this past 1 week. N to phyllis, leom, phildia n keekwoon.. thanks for eating wiv me. i feel so much better to feel u guys' presence. i really hope that we will still be as close as ever. We will never part =)

hongping. haha. u changed alot. to a wonderful friend!! thanks for being dere for me to hear all my nonsense n accompany me when im so down. In future, if anything happens to u must tell me k! i will be dere for u too.

Ting ting thx for ur console..i think its better to remain single too to prevent being hurt. haha but dont be afraid of guys that much k. if not u will be afraid of ur 2 brothers at home!

Lingggy u also. All thanks to ur waking up session. If not im still being so foolish.... hehe. love u too!! n we are going out today. We r gona enjoy ourselves !

Desmond. surprised that ur name is in here too? haha.on e 2nd night i really luffed my ass off when u tried to make ur dog perform stunts in front of e webcam. n thanks for being dere for me too. i know ure very emotional too. haha. In e end its like im trying to console u le! omg. anyway.. joining single club is good. ur membership wouldn't expire cos i wont let u quit this club. hahaha. cheers!

Im ending this entry alr..i start blogging cos i hate bottling everything up in my heart.I hate calling friends at night to voice out my nonsense. So i tink its better to voice out here..Moreover, i hate bothering people.. i dont wan to make myself a nuisance to u guys. so i blog out what i feel n think.. its a good way to express oneself out. haha. =) love u guys. =D And im gona look for unconditional love, someone who doesn't mind me for falling sick often, not having same hobbies n of cos my hot temper =x but i tink that will be in few yrs time. i wana enjoy single life !!!!!!! YAY~