new beginning !!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Last week has been hell for me :(
cried from last thursday till tuesday like nobody's business.It's just so heart-wrenching when i thought of parting with him during that period of time.1 year and 4 months.. but its my longest r/s.it's not very long and not short. Memories kept flashing through my mind before i get to sleep for many many days..just like a 3-4 hours continous video.Tears trickled down n my heart was pricking pain.On the 2nd night, i asked ken over e phone if i should call
him? He told me.. don't expect for too much.When someone says he needs time, hes forcing himself away from u.
He wouldn't be back.Its just a reason not to make me feel so upset.In fact its actually even more hurting than e truth..he told me if u really feel like talking to
him so badly, u should just call.I couldn't control myself for that night so i called
him.On tat night, i cried terribly when i knew that he has already regarded me as a
friend. N he told me his battery is running low n hes going to have supper wiv his friends. I don't wanna bother him. I dont want to cry over the phone and make him feel irritated. So i hanged up... n i cried until i felt like as if i was suffocating. My mum woke up and consoled me n i cried even more. U know humans tend to feel more emotional when pple are trying to console em. lol. She hugged me tightly n consoled me.. i was so touched. i told myself im so fortunate to have such a mummy. she was dere for me listening to me until 3am. Then she moved into my room n slept wiv me.She told me to be strong.. my whole family will be my pillars of strength n no matter what, they will always be with me. Im not
alone. N on the 3rd day, i told myself it's a new beginning for me. I felt so much better already after crying out everything. phew.. i returned to sch n was all smiles. U guys might be worried why i appear to be alright n and the same time think that is it only on the surface? Nope.. I've thought through.. no point crying when the other party doesn't love you. U will be shedding tears for nth. N if hes able to let go easily, so can u!! right? :)
Im no longer waiting.. cos it will eventually lead to nothing.
Im just very upset why is it so sudden? Its not like we quarrelled almost everyday or sth that makes both of us so tired of this r/s. Maybe he has tolerated me for very long.. i don't know n don't wish to know.In e past, there was this period of time when i feel that i cudn't commit anymore but i insisted..eventually my feelings came back.but i can understand tis.. once feelings is gone, u can never force urself wiv that person. It makes u feel soo miserable. so ive never blamed him. =) we will still be good friends.
I felt so annoyed with myself for bothering all of my friends. Sorry... really sorry to all of you.
I love u guys. Really.Thanks for e effort u all have put in to make me happy. Im really very grateful..sighs.
For e past of 1 yr n 4 months, i realised that ive neglected my friends. Im so sorry...n now all of u came back to support me, to cheer me up. i felt so guilty.
Belinda! i love you so so much. Uve been there for me through ups n downs.. trying so hard to make me smile. =D n even sent me to my bus stop n ensure i board e bus safely. U tried to ask me out too to make me forget bout e past but sorry i didnt tag along .. lol. Just want to say million thanks to u for this past 1 week. N to phyllis, leom, phildia n keekwoon.. thanks for eating wiv me. i feel so much better to feel u guys' presence. i really hope that we will still be as close as ever. We will never part =)
hongping. haha. u changed alot. to a wonderful friend!! thanks for being dere for me to hear all my nonsense n accompany me when im so down. In future, if anything happens to u must tell me k! i will be dere for u too.
Ting ting thx for ur console..i think its better to remain single too to prevent being hurt. haha but dont be afraid of guys that much k. if not u will be afraid of ur 2 brothers at home!
Lingggy u also. All thanks to ur waking up session. If not im still being so foolish.... hehe. love u too!! n we are going out today. We r gona enjoy ourselves !
Desmond. surprised that ur name is in here too? haha.on e 2nd night i really luffed my ass off when u tried to make ur dog perform stunts in front of e webcam. n thanks for being dere for me too. i know ure very emotional too. haha. In e end its like im trying to console u le! omg. anyway.. joining single club is good. ur membership wouldn't expire cos i wont let u quit this club. hahaha. cheers!
Im ending this entry alr..i start blogging cos i hate bottling everything up in my heart.I hate calling friends at night to voice out my nonsense. So i tink its better to voice out here..Moreover, i hate bothering people.. i dont wan to make myself a nuisance to u guys. so i blog out what i feel n think.. its a good way to express oneself out. haha. =) love u guys. =D And im gona look for unconditional love, someone who doesn't mind me for falling sick often, not having same hobbies n of cos my hot temper =x but i tink that will be in few yrs time. i wana enjoy single life !!!!!!! YAY~
♥ wake me up
8:04 PM
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